Thursday, March 31, 2011

A Rant About the Catholic Religion and Their God.

I don’t quite get it, why do you believe in god again? Was it because your parents told you about him and made you go to church? Did you open up a bible and just conclude that it all must be true? Maybe it’s because of where you live.  You know religion can be mapped out right? Maybe something happened to you and you give credit to the invisible man in the sky. I used to believe in god once, I don’t anymore. I even used to be a confirmed catholic. That all changed when I began to question.  All you really need to do is properly question and god just seems to poof away in a puff of logic. That’s what I did! I’m godless, happy and fine, and I don’t need help from the divine.
I’m an atheist. It’s pretty nice. I get to sleep in on Sundays. If you’re a regular catholic, you probably sleep in on Sundays too, unless it’s Easter or Christmas. I find it funny how most people are. You will see some people wearing crosses but when you ask them about their favorite passage in the bible they have nothing to say! Speaking of wearing crosses did you know that the cross was a torture device? Yeah, people wear them around their neck! Sometimes the crosses have Jesus on them. I don’t know about you, but if I was Jesus, I wouldn’t want to be constantly reminded of, well you know.  Lenny Bruce once said, “If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.” I find that funny. Maybe you don’t if you believe In that sort of thing.
It’s interesting how people will say they are religious, yet they don’t always follow the rules. It’s like people create their own religion now a days. They say, “Yeah, I like that whole part where Jesus died for our sins, but not the part where they say that we can’t have sex before marriage or eat meat on Fridays.” I find it funny how they are so quick to put sex and bacon above their god, yet they complain when someone speaks ill of their god. It’s alright as long as you get your boobs and bacon, but don’t commit blasphemy!
When someone tells me that they believe in God, I always like to say, “Oh really, which one?” There are two thousand eight hundred and seventy recorded deities. They don’t believe in the other two thousand eight hundred and six nine gods and I don’t believe in any of them. I always wonder, what makes their god any less fake than the other two thousand and sixty nine. Or you could rephrase that and say, why is their god the only true god? I can’t find any legitimate reason why.
Bible thumpers are always a riot. Some actually believe that the story of Noah’s Ark actually happened! As well the whole story of Adam and Eve! They just don’t get evolution either. They say things like, “Evolution is just a theory.” Which is hilarious because it shows that they don’t know what a scientific theory is. I always like to remind them that gravity is just a theory as well! Then there is the Jesus story. Boy do they love the Jesus story. I like it because it’s not very original. It’s been done before! Horus, the sun god of Egypt was born on December 25th, had a virgin mother, performed “miracles,” he had twelve disciples one of them betrayed him. Horus was crucified, then in three days he was resurrected. Sound familiar? If that story wasn’t enough for you look up the stories of Attis, Krishna, Dionysus, and Mithra. Good thing plagiarism wasn’t illegal back when they were writing the bible. Someone could have been crucified!
I just don’t get prayer either. Do people think it actually does something? I’ll let you in on a little personal story of mine. When I was four years old I was diagnosed with Leukemia, cancer of the blood. Apparently my whole family prayed for me. I appreciate their thoughts, but I don’t think it actually did anything. The chemo was what actually helped. All prayer can really do is give you false hope. It really has no power at all. What if my family said, “Forget the chemo, let’s sit around him and pray for the cancer to go away.” If they did that I’d be worm chow by now. To prove my point further a medical study was done in 2006. The New York Times had an article on it called, “Long-Awaited Medical Study Questions the Power of Prayer.” Journalist, Benedict Carey reported that, “Prayers offered by strangers had no effect on the recovery of people who were undergoing heart surgery, a large and long-awaited study has found. And patients who knew they were being prayed for had a higher rate of post-operative complications like abnormal heart rhythms, perhaps because of the expectations the prayers created, the researchers suggested.” So you can pray for people all you want, but all that might do is give them high blood pressure.
As you can see, I’ve clearly rejected my old religion. I enjoy not being religious. I enjoy joking about religion. When people ask me, “Have you found God?” I always love to respond with, “I’ve looked everywhere! Even under my bed, but that rascal just doesn’t want to be found!” If you find some sort of comfort in believing in this stuff then that’s fine. Just don’t kill anyone because of it, or get mad when you see that evolution is in your child’s biology text book, or go around preaching it like it’s the absolute truth. The truth is, we just don’t know the answers to everything. I’m willing to admit that. But I’m not willing to fill in the blanks with God.
If you are part of the catholic faith, then I implore you read your Bible if you have one. Read it from start to finish. It’s always good to know what you are supposed to believe. Maybe then you can know what you truly signed up for.  I also implore you to question. Always question everything, even if it opposes your faith or what your family believes. It’s easy to go along with the flock, but sometimes you have to break free to avoid following them off a cliff. 

Saturday, March 12, 2011

"I'm offended by that!"

As a person who likes to consider himself an amateur stand up comedian. Or a struggling amateur stand up comedian. (to be more accurate!) I run into people who get sour after I say my jokes. Now it could be because they are corny, not very good, or usually because they are filled with puns. But sometimes I run into someone who is legitimately offended. Usually it's right after the part where they find out I like to write jokes and ask me to tell one. I guess they didn't get the cute joke they were expecting. Instead, they probably got a suicide joke that had a pun for a punchline. However, this isn't all about my stand up comedy.

I'm convinced that some people are always just looking to get offended. You know how I deal with that? By not giving a shit. People get all offended when you say words like gay, faggot, or retard. Those are usually the big ones. Now I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings. But why the fuck should I stop saying words I like saying because it hurts your feelings? I don't think anyone is entitled to tell people what they should and should not say. I don't want to be the person who pulls the, "I have my first amendment rights" card, but I have my first amendment rights!

Don't think I'm some heartless dick though, I'm not. Just because I say the words "gay" and "faggot" doesn't mean I hate gay people. I have many gay friends, all who are great people. I'm in support of gay marriage, and I won't hold my tongue when it comes to their rights that they are entitled to. I've also worked in with the mentally challenged, but I won't go in to that.

 Some often say the old and tired out excuse of "You have a poor vocabulary if you use words like that!" Really? I remember when I was little and my mom told me that when she caught me swearing. I told her that I was just testing out my new vocabulary words. She didn't like that very much. I do however, have a decent variety of words to use. I just end up saying those other words because they are fun to say. "Faggot" is just to fun of a word to say. Just like "Fuck," 

I love words. All sorts of words. I like saying all sorts of words. But why should I stop saying a word because it might hurt someones feelings? Here is my philosophy. You are always at risk of offending someone, no matter what you say. So why give a shit? I'm certainly not going to start.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

So Yesterday In My Theatre Class..

The other day I was in my Theatre Class. It was basically an introduction to theatre. You would learn about the history of theatre, and also plays would be read. But yesterday we decided to actually go to my school's theatre. There was a play set all ready for the performers. The lights were set perfectly. There was another teacher giving us information about the theatre. I was zoning out. I couldn't tell you the name of the play that they were going to perform even if I wanted to. But then the other teacher left and it was just our regular class again. Our teacher decided to talk about all the different types of actors.

She talked about lead roles and what not. She picked people in our class to stand up as examples. I was picked later on as a "character" actor. She said she kept looking at me when thinking about the character actor. So she went on to describe what a character actor was. I looked up "character actor" on Wikipedia. It read, "A character actor is one who predominantly plays a particular type of role rather than leading ones. Character actor roles can range from bit parts to secondary leads. However, character actors often play supporting roles, characters not subject to a major change or revelation in the course of the plot, and whose role is less prominent." Our teacher went in to a bit more detail on the subject. "Usually a character actor would be the kind of actor who is kind of like a sidekick. Sometimes he's the funny one. Usually doesn't get the girl." And I stopped her there and said jokingly, "Just like in real life!" And practically my whole theatre class, which was made up of mostly girls all simultaneously responded by going "Awwwwwwwwwwww."

Now I'm thinking, was this good for me or bad? I was making a joke. I like to make jokes. It's kind of what I do considering I want to become a stand up comedian someday. Thinking about it now, I really would fit the role of a "character actor." I like being the guy who makes others laugh. I like being known as "that funny guy in class." Who knows, maybe I'll give acting a try in the near future. I like doing act outs in my comedy routines, so maybe I would enjoy doing this.

Though I like theatre, I don't think I can ever categorize myself as a theatre person. I look at many theatre people as pretentious people. Most of the time they think they are better than they really are. Many of them lack the ability to be humble. Heck, I don't even think that word is in their vocabulary unless it was in a script or something. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about everyone who considers themselves a theatre person. I'm talking about the people that I've met, usually these people are actually very good at performing, and usually they land leads.  But holy hell, are they hard to work with. Which is why maybe a character actor roll would suit my personality better.

Monday, February 28, 2011


This morning I had the privledge to sit down with some of my friends and have a deep and intelligent conversation about love. I came up with a rather vague answer when asked what love meant to me. But when you think about love, and what it truly is, it's not an easy task to put into words. I said that it is one of the most powerful feelings you can ever feel. It's also one of the most powerful feelings you can project at another person.

My friend said it perfectly when he said that it makes you vulnerable. I agree, I've never been more vulnerable when I feel love. The feeling that the person that you love may be taken away from you is horrifying. The thought of them being with someone else breaks your heart. And as selfish as love may seem sometimes, it's a feeling that we all strive for in life.

We are striving to become vulnerable. We are also striving for happiness. I can honestly say that there is no better feeling than love. And there is also no worse feeling than heartbreak, but heartbreak is always, at least in my opinion, worth the risk for love. 

Sunday, February 27, 2011


I remember how I used to dread Sundays. And how happy I would be when my dad would drive right past the church. I don't think he really liked it that much either. So we would go to Dunkin Donuts. As silly as it sounds this was one of the fonder memories I have. Skipping church with dad to go have a donut and talk. It was great!
I saw some kids going to church today. They didn't look happy, reminded me how I used to feel on Christmas, Easter, and any other "holy day." Now I look forward to Sundays. It's nice to sleep in and relax, and also recover from the night before! Being an Atheist does not only make me feel free, but it also allows me to get some extra rest! 

Saturday, February 26, 2011

My thoughts on "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum"

"We'll need a body, Anybody's body! --Can you get one from Gusto the Body Snatcher? --He owes me a favor. But he died yesterday. --Uh...what about his body? --Somebody snatched it. Uh, let's see...who do we know that's dead?"
That was one of my most favorite lines from the movie! I thought it was amazing! Check out the introduction!   
 I highly recommend seeing this movie! It's hilarious and filled with lots of fun! It's got classic slapstick comedy along with very clever lines!

A Narrative on Reading and Writing

 Note: This was an Assignment that I did in my college English class. This has been posted on my facebook page, as well as my tumblr. I just wanted to put that out there. Now without further adieu, I present my narrative on reading and writing.

I agree with Mark Twain’s remarks on reading, “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.”  Simply put, The person who knows how to read, but doesn't read good books is just as bad as the person who doesn't read at all.  I think that if you know how to read, then you should be reading good books. A person who reads good books becomes more knowledgeable and they are bettering themselves. In my nineteen years on this planet I’ve learned that the saying “knowledge is power” is one of the truest statements out there. The more I read, the more powerful I become. At least that’s how I like to look at it. It really gets you motivated to read when you tell yourself that you will become more powerful after finishing the book.

I also like being “in the know.” Even when I was younger I liked being “in the know.” Whether it was Billy ate a bug at recess, or America is going to war in Afghanistan.  I liked to be on top of things. Sadly when I was younger I grew a great resentment towards reading. The elementary school that I went to never made reading fun. I was told to “post” when I read. Basically, what I had to do was use post-it notes while I read. They told us what we needed to look for, and to make notes on the post-its, and stick the post-its in the book. I wasn’t very fond of that idea. First of all I didn’t like the color of the post-it notes. It just wasn’t my kind of yellow. Second of all it took all the possible fun out of reading. I didn’t want to stop to make a post about some literary element that I didn’t care about at the time. I just wanted to read my book and that was all. When I refused to post I got in trouble with the teacher. It just made reading troublesome. So I stopped for awhile.

I regret not reading more when I was younger. I would have been more “in the know” if I did. I also would have a better vocabulary. But I can’t go back now. The only thing I can do now is read more. I started reading more during my senior year in high school. I began by reading The Ice Man: Confessions of a Mafia Contract Killer by Philip Carlo. I read about the life of a serial killer. This was a very well written book. The whole time I felt like I was cheering for the killer. Killing was the man’s hobby. He was also a much more interesting character than the police were. Now normally, I wouldn’t support the killing of anyone. This book however, made me think otherwise. Killing suddenly became interesting and thrilling. (from a readers point of view) You were put into the shoes of the main character and killer “Richard Kuklinski.” At the end, Richard dies and I shed a tear. Can you believe that? I shed a tear for a serial killer. This man was said to have killed over 200 people. Not once did I shed a tear for any of those people. But I did for Richard. Some may call it crazy, but I call it good writing.

I kept on with reading. As my beliefs changed, so did the books on my shelf. No longer did the Bible remain by my bedside as a book of truths. Instead it remains elsewhere in my room, no longer representing truth, but fiction. I became an atheist. I grew interested in atheist authors. I began reading books written by people like Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and Douglas Adams. My world began to change for the better. I was entertained and enlightened by Douglas Adams and his genius sense of humor and skill with the written word. Thanks to Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, I became more knowledgeable when it came to religion. It allowed me to come out on top when debating believers of the invisible man in the sky. This was when it became clear to me that “knowledge is power.” Reading gave me the power of knowing. I used that power well against those who were not at my level of knowing.

Reading had transformed in my eyes. What had once been boring and seen as unnecessary had now transformed into entertaining and absolutely necessary. As reading transformed so did writing for me. Writing to me used to be something that I had to do in order to please the teachers. I had to write whatever they wanted me to write. I had to do it well enough so I could get a decent grade. I noticed that the more I read, the better of a writer I became, and once again I had become more powerful.

Writing has become incredibly important to my life and dreams. The way I write will shape my life, and it will effect whether or not my dream comes true. I want to become a stand up comedian. There is nothing I want more than to get paid for making others laugh. I have always believed that laughter is a gift. A pleasant gift that one human gives to others. To be able to supply a crowd with a healthy (or even better, an unhealthy) amount of laughter would be incredibly satisfying and rewarding to me. Writing allows me to put my ideas together so I can make people laugh. So I can give them that gift. So I can brighten their day and mine. How well I write will determine how successful I will be. I hope to excel at writing so I can become more successful, and of course, more powerful.

The power of the written word is something that I still have trouble completely grasping. Words are incredibly powerful. They influence the way others think. Words can be used for good, or for bad. They can be used for personal gain, or to entertain. They can be used to inform and enlighten. If  you are the one who is writing, then you control what the reader takes in. You are driving the spaceship, and they are going to be tagging along for the ride.

I continue writing to this day. I use it to get better at stand up comedy. I use it to express my opinions. I use it as a way to escape into a world that I created with my pen. When I’m writing, I’m god. It’s just that simple. Now it may seem like a contradiction to talk about being an atheist, and then say that I’m god. Some may even say it’s crazy. I believe they have a special place for people that call themselves gods, and that’s in the loony bin. However, that’s not the bin I belong in, and neither is it for other writers. See when others write they become gods as well. Writers create characters from the ground up. They put their characters in a setting that they also create. They also decide the destiny of their characters. You see, writing is as close to godliness as anyone will ever be.

 Reading and writing hold a great importance in my life. I wish that I had seen the light earlier, but I guess now is when it decided to turn on. I’m going to use that light to make myself into a better person. I wish other people would pick up a book or a pen once in awhile, but not everyone wants to better themselves. Some people like to be lazy. I used to be one of those people. Now I’m always kept busy.